Never Ever
by dianoeticDefenestrator
Summary: If you want happy, you're in the wrong place. this is the story i write on when I feel depressed. Boyxboy. more infor inside. Yes, I realize the summary sucks, but what've you go to lose?
1. Chapter 1

This is my new KH fic, titled 'Never Ever'. If you want something happy, you're in the way wrong place. I'm going to try to keep this mostly T for once, but it might go up to M. Probably not for once, but you never know. Depression and yaoi. Whether there's a happy ending or not depends on my mood the day I write it. I estimate 10-15 chapters at the most. Enjoy and no flames please!

=.=.=.=.=.=

I sigh and flop down onto my couch, rubbing my head. Bad, bad day… Sora goes and almost gets himself pounded into a pulp and then being heroic, I get it instead, and way harder.

"_Oh look Sora! Your faggy boyfriend came to save you!" Fuu giggles, making Seifer laugh._

"_I'm not his boyfriend, you bitch!" Sora spits back, almost glaring at me. I cringe and stalk over to the pair of bullies, growling the whole way. The spit names at me, mut, fag, killer, pretty boy, fuck face, you name it. But nothing stops me. I'd do anything for Sora. He still doesn't know, but I love him._

_My fist connects with Seifer's jaw, making him howled like a wounded animal. Fuu goes at me and I block most of her punches and kicks until on hits me right where it hurts. I yelp and fall to my knees, curling myself into a ball. My mind swims in the pain._

"_Heh, that's what you get, drag queen. Rai, hold 'im up, he's going to pay for stealing our fun." Someone big hefts me up under my arms pits, putting me in a headlock. My vision swims and I can't think. Shit…_

_A fist hits my face, then my stomach. They come fast and faster, feet too. I only barely feel them hitting me, but I wince at a few. They're going to leave bruises…_

I shake my head sadly. Sora was the first to know I was gay. The first to know I had my eye on someone, a cute guy. Pestered me for hours on night, until I told him it was his brother, Roxas. All he said was 'Oh'. I thought that I'd scared him away or something

And to make matters worse, he's straight. Sure, he made out with Tidus on a dare once, but he acted like a total homophobe afterwards, said he needed a bath and some mouthwash. Not to mention the way he looks at Kairi. You know what they say, eye contact like that warrants sex or murder and I'm doubtful of the latter.

I stand up and stretch, my yawn turning into a whimper as I pull at bruises. Motherfuckers… I'd murder Seifer and his gang if I could. But can't really do that and be able to come home and protect Sora from the next mofo that comes along…

"Riku! Fucking go to bed!" I groan. Mothers are a pain too…

"Yes Mother!" I scream back with mock sugar. I sigh once again and undress. Before I can pull my pjs on, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Gods, I'm a mess of bruises, purple, black, and blue. The purple under my eyes is the worst. I've spent too much time not sleeping. Insomnia sucks…

My eyes drift, as usual, to the bright red marks on my legs, surrounded by lighter pink ones, some of them smooth, some puckered and angry looking. I sigh and pull open a drawer and move some things. A glean of silver similar to my hair smiles up at me. The razor, my best friend, sometimes to cut my hair, sometimes my skin. I pick it up, smiling like I'm with an old friend and a haircut is not what I have in mind tonight.

I'm slow and deliberate, taking my time. I grab a dark towel to catch the crimson liquid, the product of my pain. I sigh in relief, as if my pain had leaked out with the blood. Maybe not, but it made me feel better regardless. I look down at the wounds and I can't help but smile as the continue leaking, but much more slowly now. I grab a well used roll of gauze and wrap it around my thighs tight enough that it hurts a little. Perfect.

"God damn it Riku! At least try to sleep!" I grimace at my mom's voice. She never shuts up…

Doing as she wishes, I pull on the discarded pj pants and crawl under the covers and flip off my lamp. I let my mind wander, wishing for sleep all the while.


	2. Chapter 2

"So. Riku. I hear you got creamed by Seifer and company." I cringe at the voice and turn around to face the small blonde. Roxas Strife, anorexic-looking blonde twin to my love. Roxas is beyond skinny, yet Axel loves him so much. Sora is bigger boned and has that little tummy I love… Well, let's just say that Roxas is not my type and quit comparing.

"Yeah, what's it to ya Blondie?"I growl. He shrugs indifferently.

"Sora wanted to know why you saved him. I'm just the messenger, I, frankly, don't really give a fuck otherwise." I feel my eyes widen. Roxas does not swear much. Or do favors.

"I-I… I did it cause I like him" The words are out before I can stop them. Roxas gasps and looks at me expectantly, like I'm going to laugh and say it's a joke.

"Criminey, you aren't kidding…" He turns tail and sprints away. Oh shit. I think I just ruined me and Sora's friendship.

=.=.=.=.=

All day, I try to restrain my self. Not to start sobbing in the middle of class. Not to go running to Sora to explain how it's a mistake. Not to go into the bathroom and use my emergency razor. Good job Riku, you _really_ fucked it up this time…

"Hey, Riku, man, come here!" I jump and look around. Axel and Roxas wave at me from the door of the empty classroom I'm sitting in. I grimace, there's no escape… they're going to bitch me out or something. Or ask me to join their twosome to make it a threesome. Oh yeah, right after I told Sora I liked Roxas, the blonde started dating Axel. Just my luck, Sora got extremely confused with that.

"What the hell do ya want guys? I'm trying to mope in peace." Roxas laughs and Axel rolls his eyes. They exchange an odd look, and Axel shrugs, making Roxas grin ear to ear. Damn, the silent talking, makes me want to hit something…

Axel turns to me and frowns. "Riku, Roxas mentioned earlier and he said he talked to Sora about it… and how at one point you said something about liking Roxas…" I feel the blood drain from my face. Shit shit shit…

"What he meant to say," Roxas growls, slapping the red head, "is that Sora wanted to talk to you. So we'll talk to you later…" Roxas, drags Axel out, leaving me alone again. What the fuck was that about? I sigh to myself and pull out my iPod, cranking up Placebo and closing my eyes, humming to myself.

I don't know how much time passes when I finally decide I should go home for the evening. I open my eyes and start wrapping up my earbuds when . I notice a random book bag sitting on a table a few feet eyes widen when I realize who's book bag it is. Sora's. I slowly walk overto the table it's on and sure enough, he's lying under the table, staring up at me. He's not at all surprised to see me.

"Hey 'Ku… I wanted to talk to you… Sit with me please?" I sit down slowly, making sure I can make a break for it if I need to. I smile at him like I always do when he's around and he grins back.

"I wanted to say thanks for saving me, I know you got pretty beat up. So thanks." Suddenly he jumps at me, wrapping his arms around my waist in a nearly crushing hug. I wrap my arms around him, sighing and savoring his warmth, especially since I'm always cold nowadays.

"Anything for you Sora."I whisper back, smiling lightly. After a few more moments, he pulls away. Immediately I feel cold again.

"I gotta get home now, make sure Roxas isn't breaking any rules with Axel…" I laugh and sora grins again. He grabs his things again heads to the door, giving me a final look before he walks through. I sigh, my smile falling. I wonder if Roxas actually mentioned what happen? Huh. Well, looks like things are safe for now, thank gods.


	3. Chapter 3

Suggestions are welcome. Just sayin'.

Also just sayin': We got under aged drinking and such here. I'm trying to keep it T but it's so hard… lol xP  
=.=.=.=.=.=

When I get home, I go straight for my hidden drawer. But tonight, I go for my hair rather than my skin, cutting about 3 inches off so it rests just below my shoulders. When I'm done, it doesn't look half bad, maybe even better than before.

You see, that's another thing about me. I have to use my razor somehow. It started when I got it for a present a couple years ago. I'd trim my hair a little everyday, experimenting with different styles. Then when things got tough, that's when the blood started to run.

Suddenly my phone rings, startling me. I quickly catch my breath and pick it up.

"Hello? Riku?" I sigh and smile. It's my favorite person, take three guesses but skip the first two.

"Yeah Sora?" I reply simply. Did I mention I'm not much of a talker?

Sora laughs. "I was wondering if we could have a little bit of a party at your place, mom's out and Roxas and Axel won't behave here. Thought maybe I could control them a bit better with help." I hear Roxas yelling in protest in the background then the unmistakable squeal of molestation. Yuhp, he does need help…

"Sure, mom's on a 'business trip' so the house is free for a while. Tell the lovebirds they are not allowed to do it on my bed again. EVER." Sora giggles and I can nearly hear him roll his eyes.

"I'll pass on the message. See you in a few." I sigh and go around the house, tidying up a little so it's not completely unpresentable. I don't even need to answer the door, Axel is loud enough that I can hear him before they get out of the car. Sounds like he brought booze, now we're in trouble. Hell with the under aged part, Axel plus alcohol equals some not good stuff, to put it mildly.

"Riiiikkkkuuu… I brought stuff. Me and Roxy invited a couple of friends too, hope you don't mind." I groan as Sora walks over to me. This is so not good, last time this happened, it took forever to clean up and it wasn't even my house!

"Fine Axel. Rules though. No sex in the bedrooms. No drugs. Don't trash my house and don't be loud." I cross my arms over my chest and glare coldly. I guarantee I'll be spending the evening in my room by myself.

"Cool man. This is going to be the shit." Roxas giggles and kisses the redhead's cheek. He proceed to open a bottle of rum and share it. God, why did I say yes?

The three of them start setting up, unloading speakers and drinks and food. At least they brought their own stuff this time. I grab a bottle of that super strong burn-your's-throat kind of Russian Whiskey and trudge up to my room, locking the door.

I plug my iPod into my speakers and crank up Three Days Grace to combat the pop gone mental shit that Axel has on. Time to get drunk out of my mind and pass out on my bed. Forever alone they say I am…

42 minutes, 17 songs, and half a bottle of whiskey later, the party is in full swing. At least, that's what I think. It's getting hard to even think crooked….

Suddenly there's a scream outside my door, defiantly male… oh fuck. It's Sora. I'm up and at the door within seconds, doing my best not to stumble. I open the door, dumbstruck by what I see. Kairi, Naminè, and Olette are all on top of Sora, squealing like demented, perverted fangirls.

"The fuck is going on?" I scream, yanking Kairi off of the brunette. She giggles and bats her eyelashes at me.

"Ku Ku! Wanna do it tonight? I bet you're amazing in the sack." I toss the girl to the floor in disgust. Defiantly drunk, probably Marluxia's doing. I grab the other girls and haul them over by Kairi. Then I lend a dazed and possibly drunk Sora a hand, smiling.

"My hero." He says, grinning as he takes my hand. I hoist him up and he sways, almost falling.

"Boys! We want a fivesome, please?" Naminè screams, a wild look in her eyes. I quickly grab Sora and drag him into my room, barely slamming the door before fingers get through. Sora locks it and collapses, breathing hard.

"Thanks 'Ku… I… I was gonna… get raped…" He huffs, trying to catch his breath. I don't see why rape is so bad, especially if you like it… I shake my head, surprised by myself. Not talking about those girls anymore, are we Riku?

"Sure Sora." I answer, nodding in reply. Silently, I get up and go back to my bed, downing another big gulp of the Vodka, sighing as in burns my throat. Lovely liquid… Sora eventually follows me up and sprawls out on the bed.

We sit in a silence that would be awkward if we weren't both thoroughly drunk. My god, I can't even worry or any shit... Hell, I could maybe even get up the courage to actually kiss him, or more… I freeze then shake my head. Drunken thoughts… hard to organize or rationalize-

"Ku! Ku Ku Ku! I has a secret to tell you!" Sora nearly yells, tackling me. I lie there, his words not registering.

"Sercret?" I ask. He nods spastically, grinning like a fool.

"Yesh! Roxy told me why you save me and I is happy bout it!" I laugh, but all the blood drains from my face when I understand. Roxas… told?

"I love you Ku, I never thought you'd love me back. I guess you're just good at not letting it show." My sluggish brain sputters on what he said, but my body moves before I can help it. Lips smash together clumsily, immediately heating up.

After a minute, I break away, gasping and pushing Sora off me. I ignore the hurt look on his face and my stomach churns. Alcohol and stress doesn't mix…

I lie back and close my eyes, pretending that I passed out. A minute passes and Sora sighs, slowly snuggling up to my side. Before I know it, I really do fall asleep.


End file.
